It was exactly a month ago that I landed in New York City on the final leg of a last trip to bucket list places in the United States that I wanted to see before I left. The previous few days, my Mum and I had spent time in Salem and Boston, Massachusetts. I had been unemployed “technically” since July 31 and knew that my prospects weren’t good for getting a job with a visa AND in a pandemic.
Just to back up in case you missed the reason why I knew my prospects weren’t good.
When I was 21, the US government told me that I needed to move off my family’s visa (and off their green card progress) and go on my own. So, just before my 21st birthday in 2012, I started paperwork to transfer to a student visa. From then, I had to switch visas every few years depending on whether I was in school or working. My family got their green cards a few months after the government decided I couldn’t stay on theirs. Another kick to the gut was when we found out there was a way for me to stay on the family visa and get the green card (and solve all my problems) but the lawyer representing my dad on behalf of his company didn’t tell us. Fast forward to 2019 and now I can’t do my job anymore because I don’t have a PhD… and here we are.
When I get home from the east coast, I double check my grace period (the number of days you are allowed to stay in the US after your visa expires or the number of unemployment days you accrue before you have to leave) and mine was October 1. I had about two weeks to find a place to stay, a city to move to, to look up pet transport, to cut off all bills, to book flights, and to mentally prepare to not be allowed to reside in the US again for about five years. Because my parents are amazing, they took care of all the big things and allowed me to do the smaller things and take the time to deal with this mentally and enjoy my last two weeks.
On September 30, I left the US at around 9pm. That day, I took Noah to school in the morning because he wanted me to do it “one last time” and I picked him up too just for me. I took Milo with me so I could have some quiet time alone with him. We had cuddles in the car and I tried with everything I had in me not to cry. I stared up at the school where I received my GED (high school diploma) and thought to myself how naïve I was about what my life would become in the US. I said goodbye to Noah and the pups around 5pm that afternoon and told Milo I loved him and that “mummy would see him soon” while knowing I wouldn’t see him for months.
At the airport, I hugged my mum and again put every ounce of energy I had into not crying. She left quickly so as not to do the same. The day after, when my visa would expire, we entered the Air BnB where I am staying in Cardiff.
We couldn’t get too much done that first week that my dad spent with me because of logistical issues relating to not living here since I was a child, so it hasn’t been easy. I really thought it would be easier not being an immigrant, but I am beginning to feel as equally restricted right now. I ended up in Cardiff due to the potential of getting work being higher. We met up with my dad’s childhood friend and had so many laughs. We also met some lovely new folks and I realized how much I had missed the humor and character of British and Welsh people. But, there was always a tug. There were some nights when I’d just feel hopeless and utterly confused about how all this happened.
There’s been so good moments here. I got to reconnect with a lovely old college friend from Texas. I have truly enjoyed all the food I’ve missed. I learned to drive on the left and found it super easy compared to what my nerves were telling me. I explored the city center and visited my first castle in 14 years. But it has been hard.
I don’t want to sound like a martyr because I know my life is so peachy compared to others but on the toughest days I wondered what I’d done to deserve this ridiculous situation. I had to leave the UK when I didn’t want to only to be forced to leave the US when I wasn’t ready. I am besotted with my family and I had to say goodbye to them twice within a week on either side of an ocean. I had to leave friends who were family and I couldn’t do the job I had done for five years because of an educational attainment I didn’t have after my family paid out of pocket for five years of school for me to have more opportunity. It just didn’t and doesn’t make sense to me. The irony kills me.
BUT, I suppose this new adventure, although hard at first, will be a time for me to really understand and go after what I deserve. I hadn’t really been able to do that in the US due to the ridiculousness of their immigration system. Now, although I am on my own, I am in control of my destiny, not a piece of paper named I-797. I don’t have to define myself as an immigrant due to my differences and the difficulty of my situations. I don’t even have to be referred to as “Alien” on governmental documents. I just get to be Aimee, whoever she is. Even though that’s a little scary, it’s also quite exciting.
Here’s to new beginnings. I hear they are more beautiful after hard endings. I look forward to seeing what mine might look like soon.
Aimee, I am always following you and wishing for your success and happiness. I know you will find it. 6 of us Welsh Society ladies will be in Cardiff August 2022 so maybe we'll meet.